North Shore residents, 'Other Hawaiian Words' farm oppose Bike Path

North Shore rallies, donates organic tomatoes to toss at Bike Path advocates at town-hall style meeting

The Kaua'i Onion

LIHU'E — In an effort to promote sustainable agriculture, Kaua'i Aina Kai Pono Honua and Other Hawaiian Words Farms of Kilauea provided organic GMO-free tomatoes to throw at supporters of the Bike Path at a Monday night meeting promoting opposition to the Bike Path.

Showing dissent for a third portion of the Bike Path that would cause 'iwi upheaval rivaling what's been done all along the North Shore and South Shore already by outsiders, and cited as offensive by many who've recently moved to both areas from other areas, throngs of environmentalists turned out to rally, hug, shout hippie-esque ideologies and protect Native Hawaiians from themselves at a Monday night town-hall style meeting.

"How could you rape the earth like this?" one resident asked, noting any place that can produce delicious and anti-oxidant rich fruits perfect for vigorously hurling at proponents of the Bike Path deserved better -- newer -- representation.

County Attorneys bedecked themselves in garbage bags to protect themselves from the tart projectiles, supplied by pissed off granola eaters north of Anahola.

The first tomato was thrown shortly after County officials foolishly embarked in an educational segment, forgetting nitpickers don't want to learn, but vent, ignore and lord opinion over others.

Protecting maidens in distress in the audience, who were disturbed by a fecophilliac consuming his own feces and yelling obscenities, two members of the planning department confronted the unruly member of the crowd. "Stop, that's gross." one of the planning department reps said. The man continued, saying, "This is delicious, and reasonable."

Later, in an interview following the meeting, the waste-eating man, who preferred to remain anonymous, said, "I would have thrown the feces to show my point but fortunately I had the organic tomatoes, however less delicious and less harmonically-balanced, but still fun to throw all the same. Can I offer you some delicious feces?"

James 'Treebark' Austin, a farm worker who allows workers to trade labor on a ten-acre Kilauea estate in exchange for board in a 10,000-square foot farm house, (not including spa) said, "We are very concerned about sustainable agriculture, food security and pelting the mana-- and yes, I speak Hawaiian -- out of those lying frauds with the bounty of the good Kaua'i Earth we are fortunate enough to farm," noting, "I wouldn't touch locals with a 10-foot pole. But I would waste an organic tomato on them."

When asked what North Shore residents would do with the unused tomatoes, one said, "We will be saving them for use at the landfill meeting later this month. After all, it's our responsibility not to waste. Long live sustainability!"